You have heard of the expressions, "You drive yourself crazy" and "Don't drive yourself crazy." When you have lost a loved one to suicide, as I have, your mind becomes uncontrollably overwhelmed. I was an expert, a grand master, at driving myself crazy - wandering in the present but lost in the past.
I was living in a world of mental turmoil and torture, suffering in silence, as I sought answers to questions that could never be answered and how I could have saved the woman I loved from the deadly fate she sought.
I was on a cycle of mental frenzy and overload, a roundabout and loss in search of an exit, an escape. Then one day I decided to start a journal, to write down what I was going through - being brutally honest about the devastating conflicts, the turmoil and torture and the heartbreak within me.
In time, as I saw my thoughts and feeling written on the page, I was able to recognize when my mind was about …