We Wonder
We wonder! Our minds wander back to that fateful day when our phone rang or we heard a loud knock on our door, and we heard the fatal news, a loved one had died - by suicide. We stood there, our knees buckled and the horror of that moment overwhelmed us in agonizing anguish.
Years have passed, maybe just months, and we wonder. Whether drinking our morning coffee, watching the nightly news or laying in bed at day's end - our minds suddenly wander back to that day that never ends and we wonder.
What could we have done? What could we have done to have prevented our loved one's death? Our minds are flooded with answers but they cannot turn back time.
People with good intentions tell us we need closure, we need to move on, to live our life. But they don't realize how hurtful, distressful, those words are. They don't understand the sadness and sorrow within us. We move forward at our own pace - and we know time does not heal all wounds, does not completely mend al…
In Life
In life, you never know what might happen in a day. You wake up early on a sunny morning. You have plans, things to do, positive expectations on how the day will unfold.
You don't anticipate a suicide. Suicide is sudden and unexpected. like a lightning bolt across a bright blue sky - it comes out of nowhere.
Suicide stuns and shocks you, a loved one lost - suicide. Questions scream within you - how, when, where, why? Answers given but not heard as disbelief rages in your mind as you are overwhelmed by darkness and grief.
A date on the calendar is now forever draped in black. Suicide ends a life in death and as it does it steals life from the living. And loves lies bleeding in our hearts.
I am you. We are each other.
In Memory of Anne
In memory of Anne, the sadness of suicide - as Leonard Cohen sang, "You know my love goes with you, As your loves stays with me."
Decades ago on Monday, February 17th, you sat alone in Plant Park next to the Hillsborough River - all was quiet, then in an instant, sudden death.
Anne, you said "I love you" but you never said goodbye. We were so young and you were oh so beautiful, so full of grace and charm, so full of wonder and mystery.
Anne, you were gorgeous, confident and candid, funny and joyful, smart and sassy - a woman perfectly radiant in her beauty and charisma, yet you were fragile, deceptively delicate.
Anne, you had a smile that could melt M&M's in my hand. But of dear Anne, your smile was a false god, captivating and enticing, dazzling in its brilliance - discreetly deceiving in all that it promised. For hidden behind your seducing smile were dark secrets - depression, despair, the pain you suffered.
On Saturday evening, we ha…
The Loss Of A Loved One
When we have lost a loved one to suicide, we spend many days, months, even years, suffering in silence - unable to fully comprehend the tormenting tragedy
Suicide is death by sadness that leaves behind a trail of tears embedded in suffocating sorrow. Our hearts bleed, our souls cry and our minds are overwhelmed with questions that are never answered.
Suicide is so savage, so devastating, that it rips people apart like no other tragedy and damages the psyche in ways that can never be repaired - life is never the same again.
For loved ones, suicide is so unexpectedly final yet is has no ending. It steals life from the living from the living as one struggles to make sense of the loss, tries to overcome feelings of guilt and anguish and the torturing thoughts of how the tragedy could have been prevented.
And usually, a person must confront these thoughts alone in the sickening silence of seclusion and solitude.
No death destroys the heart and soul of a loved one a…
Thoughts & Words On Suicide
The following thoughts and words on suicide were written by men and women far wiser than me. 
You don't expect, never anticipate, a suicide of a loved one.
Suicide is a decision certain people have taken early in their lives. They may not know it but it's in them. Then one day something comes along that triggers it. Can be totally trivial, can be drastic. But the intention was always there, and the results are the same.  John LeCarre - A Legacy of Spies
Hopelessness is the most dominant feature of those who commit suicide. - Maurice Lamm
From a book I read - Every time something bad happens, I think about it, think about suicide. You're a suicide that hasn't happened yet.
On his grandfather's suicide, Bruce Feiler wrote - He thought he was doing it to relieve the burden on all of us. Instead, he gave us a burden for the rest of our lives.

People who are planning on killing themselves are perfectly capable of feigning an interest in …
January Is A Cruel Month
January is a cruel month, a bleak, coldhearted month. January is a dark, desolate month, a month of depression, despair and desperation.  A month when sadness creeps into one's soul and lingers and festers until one starts thinking of the need to escape, to leave life behind - because January is a suicidal month.
But before you start making plans, remember these words:  If you commit suicide, you steal life from those that love you and kill the dreams of your loved ones. Your loved ones will suffer agonizing penetrating pain that will pierce their hearts and souls.
Your death will be so devasting that your loved one's lives will never be the same again -  their wounds will never heal, their broken hearts will never mend, their tears will never end.
So STAY!  If you are thinking of suicide, STAY - your family and friends need you and depend on you. If you are planning to commit suicide, STAY - your family and friends love and care for you. You bring jo…
Words From Others
Some words written by others who are far wiser than me -  may you find some comfort.
How can the dead be truly dead when they live in the souls of those left behind... A brief parting from those dear is the worst man has to fear...Sometimes good people make bad choices...You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. It's always your choice, you always have a choice...To have any kind of future, you've got to give up hope of ever changing your past...Love is the greatest protector of all...Loves leaves a memory no one can steal...One can see into a person's eye, but not into their heart...No matter how far wrong you've gone, you can always turn around...Every death needs someone to blame...Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak...our life has no meaning, no purpose, unless we believe there is someone for us on our journey home, at our journey's end...May the New …