For The Heart Cries

Easter! We have lost loved ones to suicide and now it is Easter. A day to rejoice, to celebrate - a festive day of family, friends, faith and food. And as we gather, nicely dressed. around the dining room table to delight in a banquet filled with joy and laughter - someone is missing. Someone we loved freely, profoundly and unconditionally is not sitting at the table - but is resting quietly within our soul. A day of happiness is shaded in silent sadness and sorrow - and tender tears seep softly from our hearts. We may feel alone but we are surrounded, embraced, by those who love us and we love. It is Easter and we will persevere and survive. We are family and may we find some peace this day. Contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com

This was published in the Cape Cod Times on May 13, 2014 "A man awaits his end, Dreading and hoping all."                                        W, B. Yeats Twenty years ago, on Sunday, May 15, 1994, I planned on dying. I expected and wanted to die. I was in a motel room in Chatham and at 7 p.m. the time had arrived. I was ready to die. * * *  * * On a day in late January 1994, I decided to kill myself. My life had become meaningless, my future nonexistent - a black hole with no escape. To kill myself was a perfect and brilliant solution, a remedy of redemption from a worthless life. It was an easy decision. I've had bouts of severe depression for decades, had lost my grandfather, college girlfriend and childhood friends to suicide. To assure my death, I began stockpiling an abundance of prescription medications - Xanax, doxepin, and quazepam. Suic...