For The Heart Cries

O. Henry wrote, "There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American." And it is the day we travel, near and far, to go home. Home is not just where the heart is, home is who we are as a person and a family. We are home and we have lost a loved one to suicide and it is Thanksgiving. A day to come together and celebrate - a festive day of family, friends, fun and food. And as we gather around the dining room table, to enjoy a feast filled with joy and laughter - there is an empty seat, someone is missing. Someone we love freely, deeply and dearly is not sitting at the table - but is resting quietly within our hearts and souls. A day of happiness is shaded in silent sadness and sorrow - and tender tears seep softly from our hearts. We may feel alone but we are surrounded, embraced, but those who love us and we love - and for this we are sincerely thankful this day. It is Thanksgiving and we will persevere and survive. May y

You have heard of the expressions, "You drive yourself crazy" and "Don't drive yourself crazy." When you have lost a loved one to suicide, as I have, your mind becomes uncontrollably overwhelmed. I was an expert, a grand master, at driving myself crazy - wandering in the present but lost in the past. I was living in a world of mental turmoil and torture, suffering in silence, as I sought answers to questions that could never be answered and how I could have saved the woman I loved from the deadly fate she sought. I was on a cycle of mental frenzy and overload, a roundabout and loss in search of an exit, an escape. Then one day I decided to start a journal, to write down what I was going through - being brutally honest about the devastating conflicts, the turmoil and torture and the heartbreak within me. In time, as I saw my thoughts and feeling written on the page, I was able to recognize when my mind was about to take flight on a trip I didn'