For The Heart Cries

The sinister shadow of suicide has been part of my life since I was 11 years old. It may not always be visible but it is always there, tagging along behind me. I have lost loved ones to suicide, childhood friends in their 20's and I survived a serious suicide attempt for which there is no medical reason why I am alive. On a Thursday morning, I told my grandfather I would see him after school. He said, I'll see you later. I never saw him again. The last night my college girlfriend and I spent together, we finalized plans to take a summer school class on Yeats' poetry at the University of North Carolina. She whispered, Tom, I love you. The next day she killed herself. I took their deaths as personal affronts and it took me a long time to answer this question: Why did they do this to me? And the answer is, they didn't. A suicidal mind is a closed self-centered mind that is overwhelmed by the demons of depression and despair - that create an inner suffering that

I wrote this article in August 2017 when I was having some difficulty with depression or despair. I submitted a shorter version to the Cape Cod Times in June 2018 and it was published on June 27, 2018 under the title, Some Of Us Live Lives Of Mental Misery. "Seventy years I have lived, seventy years man and boy, and never have I danced for joy."                                                                    William Butler Yeats Life begins with randomness. Who your parents are, where you are born, live and raised, your relatives and neighbors, the schools you attend and the friends you make. From infancy to adulthood, by means of nature and nurture, DNA and Genes, we slowly become the person we are. Life takes many turns in one's lifetime, moments of emotions, encounters and experiences that travel down many roads. Such moments can be brief or long lasting. The people in our life, lovers, family and friends, bring us both joy and sadness. All toge

"Suicide is a serious thing and if you know anyone who is suicidal, you need to get them help. Everyone should love themselves."                                     Gerard Way Some words from Jennifer M. Hecht taken from her essay, Stay, that appeared in the Boston Sunday Globe about 5 years ago. It was written in response to the suicides of two of her closest friends. "Don't kill yourself! Life has always been almost too hard to bear. But it isn't too hard to bear, it's only almost too hard to bear...You have to Stay...don't kill yourself! We need you with us, you are our hero. Stay!" To which I add my words: Remember Ms. Hecht's word, Stay. If you are thinking of suicide, Stay - your family and friends need you and depend upon you. If you are planning to commit suicide, Stay - your family and friends love you and care for you. You bring joy and happiness to more people than you realize. Stay! So, just Stay one more day. Wh