For The Heart Cries

The stifling sadness and sorrow has been part of  my life since I was a little kid. I have lost loved ones to suicide - childhood friends, high school and college classmates, neighbors and acquaintances. At times it feels as though I have been cursed, trapped in some sort of sadistic spell with so many suicides in my life. And I have also been inflicted with depression and despair, deep and dark - that resulted in a very serious suicide attempt. There is no medical reason why I survived - and I had no Plan B - surviving was not part of my plan. But after my recovery and as some form of mental clarity return to my mind - I started writing newspaper articles on the sadness of suicide and the suicide epidemic. I wanted to do what I could to prevent suicide and help those who lost a loved one to suicide. That is why I posted the journal I wrote daily leading up to my attempt and maintained afterwards, on this site - as well as the articles and brief essays. May they...

It's Memorial Day Weekend, the start of summer and most importantly, a day of remembrance. They'll be parades throughout the country, colorful floats and marching bands, soldiers and sailors in perfect step - and when the Honor Guard passes, veterans watching will come to attention and salute. And on the sacred solemnity of Memorial Day, we'll remember the men and women who died for our country on distant shores and lands. Poppies in buttonholes in remembrance of Flanders Field as the band plays the last post and chorus - a reminder of Yeats' words, "many a son and daughter lies, far from customary skies." We should also remember and say a prayer for our young men and women who survived wars in faraway lands, only to come home and die by suicide. And our hearts and souls are touched with tears and sadness as we remember our dear loved ones who died so unexpectedly by suicide. Although their deaths devastated us, caused us excruciating pain, suf...

For just a moment, let us pause from our sorrow and the sadness of sadness, and escape into the month of May. Close your eyes and say it slowly, Maaayyy. It is softer than any field in summer, brighter than any meadow in July, more colorful than any woods in autumn. May is nature's rainbow of riches. Deep green grass not yet scorched by summer's sun, vegetable gardens planted with seeds that promise a bountiful harvest. Flowers facing and smiling at the sun, daffodils dancing in a soft summer breeze, tulips bobbing and lilacs swaying in time. Strawberry blossoms ready to bear fruit and the sweet, delicious smell of apple and cherry blossoms. Wedding bells and horsendrawn carriages with signs that proudly claim: Just Married! Caps and gowns and graduations, boys and girls on Little League fields. Candy and flowers on Mother's Day, the Kentucky Derby and mint juleps, the Indy 500 and "gentlemen start your engines." The sacred solemnity of Memoria...