February 19, 1994

"I AM LOVED"
      A Button

Two days after Anne's death, exactly twenty-five years ago today, I received a letter in the mail. When I opened the envelope, a red button with white lettering fell out and landed on the floor. i picked it up and read the words, "I Am Loved."

I remember that my hands were shaking as I pulled the letter from the envelope - believing it was from Anne.  But it wasn't.  It was a letter of sympathy from Mimi and Kay.  Tow classmates that I knew only slightly - well enough to say hello and exchange a few words, but nothing more than that.

Quickly everything changed.  Mimi and I became friends, dated,  eventually got married and a few years later divorced.

Anne's death, a red button, a letter of sympathy, the domino effects of life - a chain of events, all unforeseen. The chain of events of my life, of everyone's life, is not the road less traveled but the individual road that each life travels, full of family, friends, joy and sadness.

I mark the turning point of my life with the death of Anne.  By turning point, I mean that point in  time when my life dramatically changed directions - and the road I traveled is the one that has taken me from then to now.

A chronicle of direct events from that day twenty-five years ago to this very day.  This simple and complex journey which has been my life.  After all these years one thing is now certain about my life, every relationship and friendship I have had with a woman has failed - Anne, Mimi, Mary and now Maggie. I just noticed that I seem to have an attraction to women whose first name begins  with the letter "M" - but anyway.

I first met Maggie in Boston on Sunday, June 8, 1980.  A chance meeting of two strangers that were waiting and looking for love. That chance meeting turned into love at first sight  - and into almost 13 years of marriage.  Now, it is all over, just a memory of what once was.

That chance meeting of strangers as come full circle, for we are about to leave each other's life and return to being strangers once again.

The road I have traveled has been full of unusual bumps, detours and turns - and full of coincidences and consequences that can never be truly explained, no reasons why.

What I know for certain today is this - the road I'm now traveling is a dead end.

2:15pm   -   Eldredge Library   -   Chatham, MA

contact:  fortheheartcries@gmail.com



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