April 1, 1994
Good Friday

"Whoever wants to come with me," said Jesus, "let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me...for what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul."
                                                                             Gospel of Mark

What is the significance of Good Friday falling on April Fool's Day?  It's that a good man died on a cross hoping to save a fool like me.  And what can be said of the man who spends his entire life as a loser and failure, gains nothing and gives up on the world - does he also lose his soul?

My prayers have gone unanswered because I am unworthy and ungrateful - besides there are those more desperate and in grater need than me.  I have 45 more days to live, so I will spend these days in a steadfast struggle to save my sinful soul and spirit - for I have spent a lifetime playing Russian roulette with soul.

Yesterday I went to confession at Holy Trinity in Harwichport.  While I waited a small, frail lady, about 80 years old, knelt down beside me. After awhile, she asked me if I knew if Father Raphael was the priest hearing confession.  I said I didn't know.  She then told me that she was afraid of Father Raphael because he always gave her lengthy penances.  She added that the last time she had him for confession, she was so nervous telling him her sins that she forgot the words to the Act of Contrition - and that Father Raphael told her not to worry about it and that he would say it for her. Her story made me smile and laugh inside, which I really needed.

The messages of Christ and Christianity can be summarized in just nine words - love God, love thy neighbor, do good, avoid evil - simple to understand, difficult to follow.  For far too long I have been enticed by life's temptations, abandoning principles for pleasure. So, I try to repent this Good Friday and like the good thief I ask for forgiveness and mercy.  Although I am sorry for my sins, I am not sure about my sincerity.  One of the lessons of the crucifixion is that pain is part of affection. And as I carry my chafing and cumbersome cross of burdens, I can only hope that I'm following the path of Christ.

3:30pm   -   Bradford Inn   -   Chatham, MA

contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com

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