March 14, 1994

"You say goodbye, I say hello. I don't know why you say goodbye? I say hello. I don't know why you say goodbye? I don't  know why?'
                                             John Lennon/Paul McCartney  -  Hello Goodbye

Why is life so fragile? People so frail? I think it is because we are too possessive of ourselves and that most of the time even simple acts of kindness are beyond our capability. We falsely believe that such behavior protects and insulates us, when in fact it exposes all our weaknesses - thus we are, in all our essence, vulnerable, brittle and porous.

After knowing one another for almost fourteen years, Maggie and I left the courthouse last Wednesday and walked away from each other without even saying goodbye - we simply parted company without a word. I thought of that while sitting in Churchill's Attic drinking beer on Saturday night. We didn't even say goodbye to one another - I don't know why?

This morning I started writing my goodbye letters to my parents, to Kevin and Anne and the kids, to my aunt Clare and uncle Frank - and to Maggie, Nary and Mimi. Writing the letters was good therapy, asking forgiveness for harm done, thanking them for the joys they have given me, requesting their prayers when they remember me.

The most important letter will not be written because it cannot be read by those for which it is intended - Andy and Yoyo. Andy's smile and Yoyo's purr gave me comfort and joy, they gave me life. All that pets ask for is that you be kind to them and feed them. In return they give you a love no person can, a love that is without compromise and a love that is all forgiving.

I now understand more than ever why they bring dogs and cats to nursing homes and allow the patients to pet and hold them. Pets are good therapy because they bring warmth and enjoyment, they calm the soul and ease the body and their presence, just for a moment, relieves the discomforts of life. Andy and Yoyo are my children and I'm not ashamed to admit it - I miss them and love them.

Before, when I went away there was always someone to come home to, someone to look forward to seeing - someone to say hello to. But now I am alone and have no one, no one to share a single thing with - no one to greet me with a simple hello. No one who cares enough even to say goodbye - I don't know why?

2:00pm   -   St. John's County Library   -   Saint Augustine, Florids


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