March 23, 1994
"The heart is a lonely hunter."
Carson McCullers - Author of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
Yesterday I stopped again at the Ted Williams Museum, then began my drive to Saint Augustine. When I reached Starke, home of "Ol' Sparky," Florida's electric chair, I stopped at McDonald's for iced tea. Last May Maggie and I stopped here on our way back home from Key West. It's to comprehend how so many changes can take place and how lives can be altered in just a ten month period - how one's life can be transformed in a second and you never seen it coming.
When I was at Saint Leo on Monday walking around the campus and Abbey grounds, I though of my generation - the kids I grew up with and the friends I had at college. We were entertained by Howdy Doody, inspired by JFK, influenced by Dylan, enlightened by the Beatles, encouraged by professors, offended by Johnson, disillusioned by assassinations, enraged by Vietnam, enriched by marijuana, ignited the sexual revolution, worshiped at Woodstock, embellished by the Summer of Love and charred by Kent State. And we turned a two finger salute that for generations stood for victory into a symbol for peace.
We established our own values and were rewarded with Watergate and Nixon's resignation We had beaten the bastard! We were Baby Boomers but I have come to believe that were the S&S generation - spoiled and selfish. We have grown old but have yet to grow up - we have captured the biggest playground of all, the White House. The time may be changin' but the beat remains the same.
The greatest quote of my generation is by Abbie Hoffman who, when asked why he and so many followers came to Chicago for the 1968 Democratic National Convention, replied, "We've come to defy every law, even the laws of gravity." And that we did and we haven't stopped yet.
There have been times when I think I should have joined the Army and gone to Vietnam. But I always hated wearing a uniform of any kind, the exception being a baseball uniform. I was never a Cub Scout nor a Boy Scout, never camped outside and always had difficulty following orders. When I was a freshman at Idaho State, ROTC was mandatory the first two years - along with books and manuals, I was issued a drab uniform and black spit polished shoes. I went to my first platoon inspection dressed as a crisp soldier reporting for duty, then went AWOL for the next eight months - never attending another class, drill, inspection or march. For this nearly impeccable record of absenteeism, I received an F both semesters - and in June received a letter informing me that I could not return to the classrooms and marching fields of Idaho State.
If I had gone to Vietnam, I would probably have more respect for death - would understand it and fear it. And I would probably relish and cherish life more than I do. But that was another time and it has passed. No, my time hold only the present.
Last night as I laid in bed, I thought of Robin. I wondered if she received my letter yesterday and read it? What does she think of me now? Will she answer it or throw it away? It's strange how suddenly someone can come into your life and how just as suddenly that person can become so important to you.
The heart is a lonely hunter when it has no one to love, no one to care for you, no one to hold and hig, no one to kiss you on the cheek - no one to whisper, goodnight.
11:30am - Saint John's County Library - Saint Augustine, Florida
contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com
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