March 27, 1994
Palm Sunday

"I drink to keep my body and soul apart."
                                        Oscar Wilde

A few hours ago my mother told me I was drinking too much and I should go to bed.  I told her I was just trying to relax and unwind after a long drive from Florida. I was going to tell her that I'm celebrating Palm Sunday and Christ's triumphant return to Jerusalem - but knew if I did, she  would
definitely know I had too much to drink. If she really wanted to see me have too much to drink, she should go to Ireland with me next week - and watch me drink Guinness by the keg with side bottles of Jameson.

But she is right, T am drinking too much - not just tonight but every night.  I drink become it sometimes allows me to escape from the pain of my body and soul.  And it allows me to enter the dark corners of my mind to find the inspiration and words for this journal.  When I went to bars in Florida, I would take note paper with me and as the night went on I would write my feelings and ideas down - for what I wanted to write about the next day. Without alcohol there would be no journal.  Alcohol allows me to survive the endless nights of sadness and loneliness and turn these feelings into words.  And alcohol keeps me alive just enough to get through another day on my march towards May15th.

William Styron wrote, "Liquor allows the mind to conceive visions that are unaltered, sober brain has no access to."  For the most part, this journal is conceived from such visions almost daily.  And such visions provide me a brief moments of clarity and sanity - an oasis from the turmoil and torment of my sober brain.

Arrived here about 2:00pm - it was a long and tiring drive. And my mother is right about one more thing, it's time for bed.

9:30pm   -   My Childhood Room   -   Randolph, MA

contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com

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