March 8, 1994

"Let people slide up close, let them peek in to see your all loving unblemished soul, and they will scratch hatred on it."
                             J.P. Donleavy  -  Fairy Tale of New York

Tomorrow we go to court for our divorce hearing - and just like that our years together have slipped away, our time together has passed. We have come to fulfill the words of Dorothy Parker, "scratch a lover, find a foe."   We have scratched hatred on what were once loving souls. Thus is the beast of divorce, love fractures into foes.

Two things are certain, I will never date again nor marry - and it's just as well that time prevents  me from doing either, because today there is a gender war, a battle between the sexes. The February 14th cover of Time magazine asked, "Are Men Pigs?" So much for hearts and flowers on Valentine's Day - instead female cupids are aiming their arrows right at men's groins. So, my question, are women bitches?  Men and women, pigs and bitches! What have we allowed ourselves to become? Oh, for the good old days of holding hands and sharing a bottle of Coke with two straws.

But that's a battle for others to fight, for tomorrow brings to a close the gender war between me and Maggie - and a judge will render his decision on the terms and condition of our signed surrender.

Although I only have two months to live, I will miss being with and talking to a woman - I will miss the comfort of a woman, the touch and love of a woman, the friendship and the temptations of a woman. I will miss the enjoyment of a woman's company and the pleasures  of a woman's body. I have always been more at ease in the company of  women than in the company of men - and I shall miss their companionship.

As lonely as I am today, I know worse days are ahead. I know that I'll never get close to a woman again and share the secrets of my soul. I know that no woman will ever again scratch hatred on my soul and then kill me with that hatred - and take my feelings of love and crush them to death with spite and without remorse.

I read once that the beast of hell walk among us in the clothes of the common man and woman. I don't plan to embrace that beast ever again. But I know I'll always desire and be tempted by the false promises of goodness that a woman can offer.

1:00pm   Eldredge Library   -   Chatham,MA

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