April 26, 1994

"Hey, Rocky! You're back! Where have you been? - "Around the world." - "What have you learned?" - "You can't escape."
                                              Johnny Hart - A  B.C. Comic

A Berraism, mine not Yogi's - wherever I go, there I am.  I did not come to Ireland to escape. I came for memories and happiness. But all I found was emptiness, loneliness, fear, anxiety, depression, despair, sadness and added rejection. Some pot of gold! What I learned was that I did come here to escape, but it is impossible to runaway from the annoyances and distortions of a disturbing and distrustful mind.

This morning I put my hands in my slicker's pocket and found the Lady of Knock medal I thought I lost. It is a beautiful day, bright, sunny and warm. I spent most of the morning at Thoor Ballylee, going through the museum and talking with the new curator, Mary Callanan.

Now, I am at Coole Park which is about three miles from Thoor Ballylee. It was once the home of Lady Gregory and is now a National Park and Refuge.  This is a picturesque place with woods and trails. Although the mansion and wild swans are long gone, the Autograph Tree still stands and the initials of Yeats, Shaw, O'Casey and Synge are still visible, though barely. It is not surprising that Yeats spent so much time here and found so much inspiration in its woods and wildlife.

There are no better places to spend my last day in Ireland than at Thoor Ballylee and Coole Park. As I look up a plane is flying across the sky - to Dublin? to Belfast? to London? Are there some people returning to a place they tried to escape from? Tomorrow an Aer Lingus 747 will take me across the Atlantic. What awaits me I do not know, what mt fate is I do not know. I am going back to known and the unknown, and I dread having to face either - because I am alone and afraid.

What else I found here is that the man I see in the mirror is a hopeless and homeless soul, without love and nothing to for anymore. The only escape is death and to confront its cold and callous consequences.

2:00pm   -   Coole Park   -  Gort, County Galway, Ireland

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