May 8, 1994
Mother's Day

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness."
               Norman Cousin - Saturday Review

A few hours ago I walked into the Squire restaurant and who should I see but my former attorney, Karen, and her partner, Sarah. I don't know who was most surprised, but we did say hello and then I just kept walking towards the bar in the next room. It was the first time we had seen each other since she dumped me as her client over two years ago. I've forgiven her for dropping me but I doubt if she's forgiven me for refusing to pay my twenty thousand dollar bill. Trust me, it's a lot easier forgiving when you're the debtor than it is being the creditor.

After much arguing and yelling, Maggie has finally agreed that the moving company can come on Tuesday May 17th - two days after I'll be dead.  What she does with my belongings then, is way beyond my control or care - as I rest peacefully in death.

Over the past few evenings I've met some of my friend - Bill, Paul, Frank, Dick and Larry - at the Squire as we shared a few beers, I've told them about Maggie and our divorce. All were shocked but I felt relieved in telling them. I also wrote an article for the Cape Cod Chronicle entitled, Homeless in Chatham, which details some of my trials during the winter as I slept wherever I could. It's to be mailed after I'm dead.

After Mass this I stopped by the house to get a few things and Maggie was in her usual mean spirited mood. The only way to describe her mood and behavior are the words of the Rolling Stones, "She's so cold, she's so cold cold cold like a tombstone." But there was one good aspect about my visit, she allowed Andy and Yoyo to be with me. They were both so happy to see me that I had to fight back tears. I refused to allow her to see me cry because she doesn't care if I live or die. A correction, I believe wholeheartedly that she wants me dead. She wants to completely erase me from all aspects of her life as if I was a smudge mark on a piece of paper. And there is no better way to have someone entirely out of your life, than to have that person buried six feet under.

These last few months have been an adventure in forgiveness. I can forgive the people involved in all that I have gone through, but cannot forgive their actions. There are many times when I cannot so easily separate the two, so I'll keep on trying to do my best and forgive what I can - I have just seven days left to get it right. A week from today IU die.

4:30pm   -   Bradford Inn   -   Chatham, Ma

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