NEVER CROSSED MY MIND

 There is a special bond between daughters and fathers, sons and mothers. I was just a kid when my grandfather, my mother's father died by suicide. His death devastated my mother and she became lost in a world of sadness, sorrow and suffering - week after week her eyes red with tears. Our home a tomb of solemn silence. Gradually, life returned to normal.

Decades later I became a hostage, held captive by the dark demons of depression and despair - which led to a serious suicide attempt. I ended up in the ICU, on life support and wasn't expected to live. Somehow I survived and was transferred to the hospital's locked psych ward.

Four days later I saw my parents for the first time since my attempt - a meeting with my psychologist. Once we were seated, my psychologist looked at my mother and asked, "Mary, what were you feeling, what went through your mind, when you heard that your son was expected to die from suicide after having lost your father to suicide?"

My heart stopped! I was frozen in place. I looked at my mother with tears in my eyes bewildered, shocked - because until that moment. it never crossed my mind that my mother would have lost her father and son to suicide. Never crossed my mind.

Since then I have come to realize that a suicidal mind can be a closed, self-centered mind trapped in painful suffering - completely unaware of the consequences of their death upon their families, because it never crossed their mind, as it never crossed my mind.

Contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com