For The Heart Cries

The sinister shadow of suicide has been part of my life since I was 11 years old. It may not always be visible but it is always there, tagging along behind me. I have lost loved ones to suicide, childhood friends in their 20's and I survived a serious suicide attempt for which there is no medical reason why I am alive. On a Thursday morning, I told my grandfather I would see him after school. He said, I'll see you later. I never saw him again. The last night my college girlfriend and I spent together, we finalized plans to take a summer school class on Yeats' poetry at the University of North Carolina. She whispered, Tom, I love you. The next day she killed herself. I took their deaths as personal affronts and it took me a long time to answer this question: Why did they do this to me? And the answer is, they didn't. A suicidal mind is a closed self-centered mind that is overwhelmed by the demons of depression and despair - that create an inner suffering that...

I wrote this article in August 2017 when I was having some difficulty with depression or despair. I submitted a shorter version to the Cape Cod Times in June 2018 and it was published on June 27, 2018 under the title, Some Of Us Live Lives Of Mental Misery. "Seventy years I have lived, seventy years man and boy, and never have I danced for joy."                                                                    William Butler Yeats Life begins with randomness. Who your parents are, where you are born, live and raised, your relatives and neighbors, the schools you attend and the friends you make. From infancy to adulthood, by means of nature and nurture, DNA and Genes, we slowly become the person we are. Life takes many turns in one's lifetime, moments of emotions, encounters and experiences that tra...

"Suicide is a serious thing and if you know anyone who is suicidal, you need to get them help. Everyone should love themselves."                                     Gerard Way Some words from Jennifer M. Hecht taken from her essay, Stay, that appeared in the Boston Sunday Globe about 5 years ago. It was written in response to the suicides of two of her closest friends. "Don't kill yourself! Life has always been almost too hard to bear. But it isn't too hard to bear, it's only almost too hard to bear...You have to Stay...don't kill yourself! We need you with us, you are our hero. Stay!" To which I add my words: Remember Ms. Hecht's word, Stay. If you are thinking of suicide, Stay - your family and friends need you and depend upon you. If you are planning to commit suicide, Stay - your family and friends love you and care for you. You bring joy and happiness to more people than you ...

Eighteen years after I wrote, Let's Stop The Suicide Epidemic, I wrote this article in February 2018 and it was published in the Cape Cod Times on March 8, 2018 "We need to change the culture of this topic and make it OK to speak about mental health and suicide." New York Islanders assistant coach Luke Richardson, whose 14 year old daughter took her own life in 2010. Epidemics that can last for weeks or even months are always newsworthy, generating major stories in newspapers and on TV. Recent epidemics have included the Zika virus, Ebola, Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, otherwise known as MERS virus, and avian and the swine flu. Today there is a widespread opioid epidemic throughout the country. Next to President Trump, there have probably been more stories on opioids than any other subject - and rightly so. There is also another epidemic occurring throughout the country, one that is not only under reported but rarely reported, and that is suicide, the si...

In Memory of George Leo Frawley February 3, 1895 - September 26, 1957 Although I wrote about my grandfather a few times in my journal, For The Heart Cries,  I wanted to write more about the man. I wrote this in January 2017 and submitted it to the Cape Cod Times in September - it was published on September 30, 2017 under the title, After All These Years, Still My Grandfathers Boy. This is a longer version of that article. "All men live in suffering, I know as few can know."                                   William Butler Yeats George Frawley was a rough, tough and gruff man, cocky, confident, fearless and street smart. He could be as blunt as a sledgehammer and as abrasive as course sandpaper, but he also had a soft touch and the tenderness and gentleness of a butterfly. He was a fiery and opinionated Democrat and as Irish as a pint of Guinness and a shot of Jameson. In his...

This is a slightly longer version of the article I wrote in April 2014 that was published in the Cape Cod Times on May 13, 2014. "A man awaits his end, Dreading and hoping all."                                       W. B. Yeats Twenty years ago, on Sunday May 15, 1994, I planned on dying. I expected and wanted to die. I was in a motel in Chatham, on Cape Cod, and at 7:00pm the time had arrived. I was ready to die. * * * * * On a day in late January 1994, I decided to kill myself. My life had become meaningless and unmanageable, my future nonexistent - a black hole with no escape. To kill myself was a perfect and brilliant solution, a remedy of redemption from a worthless life. It was an easy decision, almost predestined. I've had bouts of severe depression for decades, had lost my grandfather, my college girlfriend and childhood friends to suicide - and had made two a...

In Memory of Anne, The Sadness of Suicide It took me over 43 years to write this article. For decades I only had two lines: Anne, you said I love you but you never said goodbye and Anne, your smile was a false god. That was all I had and as hard as I tried I could not write anything more. Then I woke up one morning in October 2012, and the entire article was written in my mind - I sat down and wrote it. It was published in the Cape Cod Times on November 30, 2012.                                              * * * * * "You know my love goes with you, as your love stays with me."                                         Leonard Cohen Anne, you said, "I...