For The Heart Cries

  Oh Anne, you said, "I love you" but you never said goodbye. Anne, we were so young and you were so beautiful, so full of grace and charm, so smart and sassy with a playful spirit - a woman perfectly radiant in your beauty, yet you were fragile, deceptively delicate. Anne, your smile was a false god, captivating and dazzling in its brilliance but discreetly deceiving - for hidden behind your seducing smile was the pain you suffered. On our last night together, you kissed me and whispered, "Tom. I love you."  The next day, Monday February 17th, you died by suicide. Anne, you said, "I love you" but you never said goodbye. Years have passed and you have always remained, absolutely adorable Anne. You are missed. You are loved. And late in the darkness of the night, when all is quiet, I can still hear you as you whisper, "Tom, I love you" - as love lies bleeding in my heart. Contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com

  How do you forgive your loved one whose suicide caused you so much suffering sadness and sorrow? How does an eleven year old boy forgive his grandfather, his best friend and hero? On an early Thursday morning, the boy told his grandfather that he would see him after school - when he got home school that day, his grandfather had died by suicide. How does a young man of 23 forgive his girlfriend, the love of his life? They spent Valentine's Day Weekend together, days filled with love and laughter, of joyful happiness. On Monday afternoon all was lost - his girlfriend died by suicide. For months the small boy felt lost and abandoned, overwhelmed with sadness as he cried himself to sleep. At times he was angry and hated his grandfather. The young man, too, felt lost and abandoned. He was lifeless, his grief agonizingly painful. He thought his life was over, nothing to live for, a future leading nowhere. The small boy and young man were both emotional wrecks - how could they ever forg...

  The Warning Signs: We have all read the warning signs, the indicators and clues, of a person thinking of suicide. Unfortunately, we have recognized those signs only in hindsight - after the tragic death of our loved one. And that is because suicide is planned silently and in secret. The art of deception - the person planning a suicide becomes an actor, skilled in delicate deception and adapting a brilliant disguise - that is well within oneself. A person considering suicide is quite capable and inventive in expressing a genuine interest in a future they no plans of inhabiting. And when that fateful day arrives, the suicide will usually occur during the course of the person's daily and regular routine. Suicide is difficult to prevent because the warning signs, more often than not, become visible only after the tragedy.  The silent secret of suicide, the art of delicate deception. As seen on PostSecret: People Don't Fake Depression, They Fake Being OK! Remember those words. Co...

  You never anticipated suicide - but suicide came into your life as your loved one's life was lost. And during that most difficult time of sadness and sorrow, you realized that some of your friends and acquaintances were uncomfortable with suicide - and somehow pretended, acted, like it hadn't happened. They may have avoided you and you may have felt shunned by their behavior - which only deepened your heartbreak. But you are not on your own, alone in your suffering - for you are embraced by those who deeply love you, care for you and cherish you.  They comfort you and you are blessed in your time of grief and sadness - for they hold you gently and softly wipe away your tears. Contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com

  James Dickey ends one of his great poems with these words, "Guilt is magical."  And if you have lost a loved one to suicide, you know how maliciously magical it is. For guilt bonds with our suffering sadness and creates maddening misery within us - as we struggle with the five stages of grief. And in this struggle, guilt is painful, it tortures and torments us and becomes an overwhelming burden as we think of all the things we could have done to have prevented our loved one's suicide. But all that we know now, we didn't know then - because the signs that could have prevented the suicide only became visible after the tragedy. Guilt is a false accusation we charge ourselves with - blaming ourselves for something we had no control over but wish we did. As we journey on in life, we will carry the loss of our loved one with us - and the five stages of grief will appear now and then out of nowhere and guilt will tag along not wanting to be left behind. Guilt is magical! H...

  There is a special bond between daughters and fathers, sons and mothers. I was just a kid when my grandfather, my mother's father died by suicide. His death devastated my mother and she became lost in a world of sadness, sorrow and suffering - week after week her eyes red with tears. Our home a tomb of solemn silence. Gradually, life returned to normal. Decades later I became a hostage, held captive by the dark demons of depression and despair - which led to a serious suicide attempt. I ended up in the ICU, on life support and wasn't expected to live. Somehow I survived and was transferred to the hospital's locked psych ward. Four days later I saw my parents for the first time since my attempt - a meeting with my psychologist. Once we were seated, my psychologist looked at my mother and asked, "Mary, what were you feeling, what went through your mind, when you heard that your son was expected to die from suicide after having lost your father to suicide?" My hear...

  "If I could turn back time..." Oh, to turn back time for just one more day - one more day with our loved one. We have often dreamed of that moment, creating an image in our minds that is crystal clear. The two people I have loved the most in my life died by suicide - my grandfather when I was 11 years old, my girlfriend, Anne, when I was 23 years old.  One more day - my grandfather and I are walking up Commonwealth Ave on our way to Fenway Park to watch the Red Sox play the Yankees. It's a great game as the Sox win. After the game we go to the Black Rose and drink pints of Guinness. Just he and I, grandfather and grandson, ever so proud of each other and so happy being together - drinking a few beers on a late afternoon in summer. One of the special pleasures Anne and I enjoyed was going out to breakfast after spending the night together. So, my one more day with Anne would begin with breakfast at the South Street Diner in Boston. Our eyes filled with love as we simply ...