March 19, 1994
Feast of Saint Joseph

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother,"
                                            Theodore M. Hesburgh - (former) President of Notre Dame

When I was in high school I was taught by the Sisters of Saint Joseph, and we would be off this day in honor of their patron and the patron of fathers and  workers. I am off this day and have been off for some time - off center and off my rocker.

From the day I was married I prayed to Saint Joseph to help me a good husband - and when that special day would come, he would help me be a good father. I failed, neither happened. It is said that God helps those who help themselves. That's mostly true but there are some people, of which I am one, who have difficulty helping themselves and need more of God's help. Maybe He did try to help me more but I just wasn't interested. For a helping hand to work it not only needs to be offered, but it also needs to be accepted. Guess I just turned my back.

My dad and brother are good fathers and loving husbands. In an interview about a month before he was killed, John Lennon was asked how he wanted to be remembered. He answered, "That he was a good father." My dad and brother are such men.

I would have loved a little girl and I know my father would have cherished a granddaughter. But it was not to be. Today I am glad I'm not a father, for I know a divorce can be hazardous to a child's well being and the divorce may have caused damage that could never be repaired. 

On the front page of today's Orlando Sentinel was this headline: "No Moment Of Truth! Divorce A Long, Slow Erosion of Feeling." And that it is.

This morning I visited a my friend from Jack Conway, Carl and his wife - whose name I have forgotten. They have a beautiful cottage on a sand dune overlooking the Atlantic. I didn't tell them I'm divorced, just didn't.

If Maggie and I had been blessed with a daughter, we were going to call her, Kerry Anne. Her initials would have been,KAT. So, that's that! Oh, what might have been.

2:00pm   Meadowland Library   -   Melbourne, Florida

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WHEN YOU KILL YOURSELF

When you kill yourself, this is what happens - you end your life and as you do you steal life from those that love you, destroy their dreams and devastate their lives of all hope. Their shattered souls and broken hearts will never heal, never mend. Your suicide will condemn them to a life sentence of endless nightmares. Their nights will be spent in a flood of tears, not until they fall asleep but until the sun rises - and a new day of sorrowful struggles and suffering begins, day after unending day. Your death will cause so much destructive damage to your family that it will be beyond repair. All will be ruin. They will remember the day you died every day in mournful misery, in sadness and sorrow, in hopelessness and helplessness - forever doomed to a life of agony and anguish. Their minds will ache in brutal pain as they abandon all hope of a peaceful life. Their lives will be spent wandering wearily, not knowing where they are or where they are going - because their life ended with
Read more

SUICIDE: THE STORM BEFORE THE CALM

  The storm! The storm usually begins with feelings of sadness, a lack of interest, being withdrawn, a sense of loneliness. In time these feelings deepen into depression and despair - overwhelming and painful mental anguish engulfed in helplessness and hopelessness. Thoughts of suicide - and as the storm rages, intensifies, suicide becomes the solution.  Family and friends are worried by the unusual and uncharacteristic behavior - what to do? But once suicide is decided, plans made, a day decided - peacefulness prevails, the storm passes, all is calm - a sense of normalcy returns, family and friends are relieved and relaxed. But it is at this time that family and friends should be more attentive, most vigilant - for it is in this calmness that death often arrives. Contact: fortheheartcries.blogspot.com
Read more

MOURNING FOR MY LIFE

  "I am in mourning for my life."  Anton Chekhov I mourn. Suicide has been part of my life since I was eleven years old. I have lost the two people I have loved the most in my life to suicide. I have lost childhood friends, classmates and neighbors. Suicide is a dark shadow from which I cannot escape - it may not always be visible but it is always there. As time passes. as I grow older, I have this fear - what I am most afraid of: that sometime in the future, I will wake up one morning and start a slow silent stroll towards suicide - or maybe I have been on that journey since I was eleven and don't even know it - as I am in mourning for my life. Contact: fortheheartcries@gmail.com  
Read more