March 4, 1994
"Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day."
Albert Camus
Today is the saddest, most depressing and uncertain day of my entire life. I've packed a few belongings and am out of the house - never to return except to get the rest of my stuff by May 15th. I took the long walk from the front door to my car door, glancing back but once to see Andy and Yoyo looking at me from the hallway window. I cried. No longer are they my companions of joy and comfort. Grief and death are my new companions.
The shattering and shivering sadness that I have felt for most of the day has now been replaced with anger, bitterness and hatred. Never have I felt such hatred as I now have towards Maggie, Deb and Jeannie, their fat bitch fried from Connecticut.
I have probably met Jeannie six times, all in the past four years. She is an obnoxious, arrogant and obese woman with a loud hateful mouth and a small, hollow brain. She proves my adage, the phrase I coined decades ago, the fatter the ass the bigger the mouth.
From day one she was Maggie's coach with her "take no prisoners" and a "men suck" attitude. She is disgusting, rude and sexless. She is vile and evil. If I could kill one person and be granted immediate immunity, she would be number one on my list.
And my dear old mother-in-law, Deb. Over the past thirteen years I did at least five times more for her than I did for my parents. What a jackass I was! Kick me! Today, she is probably praying and glowing in the Key West sunshine, believing she is blessed by God. After fourteen years her prayers have been answered, her daughter finally listened to her and dumped the bastard.
I've made a promise to myself that this is the final day I'm going to write about my anger, bitterness and hatred towards these women. It's probably a false promise made with sincere intentions, but I shall try. It's amazing the aim of those sinners when given a stone - I have sinned too often and have cast enough stones. Time will tell!
Anger, bitterness and hatred are way too cumbersome to juggle and hold on to - I have far too many other burdens to carry and don't have the strength to carry anymore. So I shall heed my father's warning, that hatred inflicts more damage and suffering on the person who hates than on the person who is hated. I'll try to follow this advice not out of charity but for self-preservation.
Jesus implored us to love one another, to help one another - to do good and avoid evil. Not once have any of the three women, who despise me so and spend more time on their knees than Trappist monks,asked me, "Is there anything you need?" -"Is there anything we can do?" Not once did I hear the words, "Tom, can I help you in anyway?" At this very minute they neither care how I feel nor care about what I may need nor where I am.
We are never excused from making the correct moral choice, nor from behaving virtuously and acting righteously. Today was judgement day and we all failed.
4:30pm - Bradford Inn - Chatham, MA
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