April 13, 1994

People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God."
                                                                         Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

The church is quiet this morning, as silent as the smoke swirling from the scented candles by the bronze statue of the Blessed Mother surrounded by small children. I love this old stone church with its high, lofty ceiling and stained glass windows. For the past hour I've been at peace here, resting my mind and daydreaming about God. And I have felt his presence.

Since I spent fifteen of my sixteen years of education in Catholic schools, daydreaming about God comes to me easily and naturally. My mind wanders and wonders, does He ever get bored by His creations and does He ever second guess Himself?  Is He surprised by the evolution of the universe and man or have things gone as expected? Does He ever wish to discard everything and try again.  What was He doing and thinking when dinosaurs roamed the planet?  Was He surprised by the forces of nature he created? Was He sad when the dinosaurs became extinct? Or did He just shrug and say, Oops, looks like  I screwed that up!'

Why did He create everything and then leave us alone to defend for ourselves, allowing nature to have its way?  Does He still believe in the innate goodness of man or have we disappointed Him so much these past 5,000 years or so, that He's just thrown up His hands in utter despair< Is He at all touched by how some of us love our cats and dogs and if the time comes, will He allow them to join their owners in heaven? Is He as kind and good as we hope Him to be? By more importantly, are we as kind and good as He wants us to be?

My car is parked, packed and Tiny and Berry are on the dashboard waiting to go,  In a few minutes I'll be off to Bunratty to surprise the Woulfe's.  And I know that once I walk out the large wooden doors by the side courtyard, the peace of this moment will shattered by revolting reality - and for the three hour drive I'll be a prisoner, held captive by a maddening mind.

11:45am   -   Saint Mary's Church   -   Dingle, County Kerry, Ireland

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