April 27, 1994

"I'm going back to Massachusetts. Something is telling me I must go home."
                                                  The Bee Gees   -   Massachusetts

Well, here we are - me, Tiny and Berry, the three mindless and meager musketeers, waiting our flight to Boston. But where do we go once we land? To my parents for the night, but what then? Sometime tomorrow I'll be back in Chatham with no home, no place to live. I've now been living like a vexing and vanquished vagabond, out of two overnight bags, for five months. It has been a jarring and jumbling journey that will soon becoming to an end.

Above the small, enclosed foyer of Dick Mack's pub, there is large window. It is up there,  looking out the window and warming herself in the sun's rays, that Dick Mack's cat spends most of her day. - when she's not curled up on a bar stool. I think the reason I spent so much time drinking there was not so much for the companionship of my friends that drank there, but to be around the cat. She reminded me of Yoyo, reminded me of home. I miss Andy and Yoyo, I really do.

I don't know if it's from too much Guinness, too much Bridget on my mind or just too much thinking - but for the past few nights I've been having some wild and weird dreams. In two recurring dreams, I am in two different plane crashes - one into a forest, the other into the ocean. These are not dreams one should be having before you are expected to board a plane for a five hour flight across the Atlantic. I want to die on my terms and I definitely don't want to land in the ocean and be nibbled to my bones by fish.

Robert Frost wrote, "homer is a place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." But I know that if I should knock on Maggie's front door, she wouldn't take me in - and if I asked her if I could spend just one night, she would, in all probability, call the police.

They just announced the boarding of flight 133. I'm being called back to Massachusetts and I must go there, home or no home, for my fate awaits me.

11:30am   -   Departure Lounge   -   Shannon Airport, Ireland

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