August 27, 1994

"No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness."
                                                        Aristotle

Yesterday afternoon as I was leaving the Psych Center I saw Francis, my good friend from Chatham who told me on Memorial Day to pray for those who have harmed and who hate me, looking out one of the windows in the locked ward. It was the first time I had seen him since the Fourth of July weekend. I went inside and asked the receptionist if I could see him. She said I couldn't but that I could call him from the payphone - which I did.

Francis said his brother and sister arrived for a visit from California last Saturday evening, and found him drunk and their family home a mess - empty beer cans and liquor bottles scattered throughout the house. On Sunday they persuaded  him to commit himself to the Psych Center. He then told me that his brother and sister didn't want him living in the house anymore, that he wasn't capable of living by himself and taking care of the family home and property. I asked if there was anything I could do to help him and he asked me where I was living?  When I told him, he asked if I would move in with him - if I did, his brother and sister just might let him remain in the house. I told him I would and he then asked me to call his brother and sister - which I did when I got back home.

This morning I came to Chatham and met with Jim and Nancy. I had met Nancy over a year ago at the Squire. It was April 19th, the day of the Boston  Marathon and the day the Branch Davidian  compound burnt down in Waco, Texas. I was honest with Jim and Nancy. I told them about my divorce and suicide attempt - and told them the doctors I was seeing and about attending the Psych Center's aftercare program. They were pleased with my honesty and I could tell from their questions that they liked the idea of me moving in with Francis - although they didn't commit one way or another. Instead, they said that they wanted to think about it and talk to Francis' doctors. We decided to meet again Monday afternoon at 4:00pm.

From talking to them I learned that Francis is going to be discharged on Friday afternoon and that they will be leaving for California on Sunday - which means if all goes well, I can move in next Saturday. This is a godsend, great news - the first good news I've   had in years. I'll have a decent place to live and be back in Chatham, a town I had given up on just a month ago.  I'll no longer be a vagabond wandering from place to place for an empty bed as I've been doing for the past nine months like a gloomy gypsy.

I'll once again have a home and some stability in my life. I don't think Maggie, her mother and the men from Holy Redeemer are going to be happy with me being back in Chatham - but they are going to have to learn to live with my perpetual presence, just as I have had to learn to live with their deplorable deceit and dishonesty. Now, if I can only find a job, a good job, I can then show those who have abandoned me, alienated and avoid me, that I've landed on my feet better, stronger and wiser than ever. Time will tell.

Francis and I are excellent souls. We are not piously virtuous nor perfectly valiant, but there is within us the desire to seek and do good. We are kindred spirits that have shared our souls' secrets with one another - and are striving and searching for a way out of our mind's mixed madness.

3:00pm   -   Eldredge Library   -   Chatham, MA


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